SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
