google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
