girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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