so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
