you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
