she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
