Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
