My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
