So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
