HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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