one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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