the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
