if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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