My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
