I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
