I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
