i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
