how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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