i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
