i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
