It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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