where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
