his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
40s are totally the cure
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
