i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
