i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
