I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
