so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
