omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
