There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
