i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
