at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
