I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How does one acquire holy water?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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