if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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