Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
