I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize