In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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