College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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