2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
