dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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