Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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