I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
