textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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