kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This baby is an asshole
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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