Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
