Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my shit smells like andre
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
