if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this will be a night to untag.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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