i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
