I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
