Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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