Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
