So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
