I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
