If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
