Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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