Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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