i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
