Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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