I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
not ubering you a puppy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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