ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize