Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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