Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Actions speak louder than pants.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
