i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
