No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
