i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
