his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
