Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
